family, fertility, IUI, pregnancy, single mom by choice, SMC, trying to conceive, ttc, two week wait, Uncategorized

neg bomb

Our weekend was perfect–so fun and sweet to be living it up together in the big city. So grateful for the opportunity to celebrate our adorable mom.

Postponing testing was a brilliant idea–I let it all go for one more day.

I did some research and realized that progesterone delays your period, so I knew for sure that a late period didn’t mean anything promising (that and my total lack of symptoms). I was 90% sure I wasn’t pregnant.

This morning I woke at 6:30, got brave, and tested. I didn’t even let myself hope for a positive, so by default I rooted for a negative. And I got it.

All I wanted in that moment was to get some reassuring words from SMCs on the national forum but the server was down or something because I couldn’t get through. So I went back to bed. Sharing the news at breakfast brought on a big cry tidal wave that I couldn’t hold back (though I wanted to).

Now I’m on the way out of NYC on a Greyhound bus, the sky hazy. Negative thoughts are holding a drum circle in my brain.

Tired tired tired of this merry-go-round.

[insert hopeful conclusion here]

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8 thoughts on “neg bomb”

  1. I think you were largely prepared for this outcome, no matter how hard it is to be 100% prepared. You have a great plan of action, and you can look forward to a course of treatment that twinkles with all kinds of beautiful success stories. This is the year!

    Love,

    Wig

  2. My read for what it’s worth: you will look back on this one day as a necessary part of the path to your successful IVF. No one can say you didn’t give IUI your all and now it’s time to move on. The next part will be exciting
    🙂

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