Month: March 2015

We are finally getting better. That was 3+ weeks of coughing in a socially unacceptable way. I’m just so happy to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There were moments when I thought–well, I’ll just have to get used to this cough, because I will have it FOREVER. But thankfully no–the cough is decreasing in intensity, for both E and me.

After an eventful weekend that included a lot of walking and outdoor time, I am super exhausted but approaching Monday morning as the Post-Illness-Era–the dawn of a new day. I worked from home four days last week and, while I am more productive when not having to commute, it will be nice to get out into the world and have to wear something besides yoga pants again and (at least partially) tame my wild, and much of the time unwashed, hair.

I have a pot of lentil soup in the fridge and two lasagnas in the oven. I will not get around to folding the clean laundry that’s been on the guest bed for a week now. You win some, you lose some. We are not perfectionists around here.

E is blasting through his development and it’s kind of mind-boggling at the moment–so many firsts all the time. He’s started giving me hugs (and he only sometimes bites my shoulder at the same time). He has learned how to go down off the couch or a stair by turning himself around and going feet first. Tonight at dinner, he invented a game of peek-a-boo with my sister, where he simply looked away and then excitedly looked back. Then he used his bib to cover one eye. Then he used his fist. While I’m not yet perceiving that he understands what I’m saying, I think he probably does a lot of the time. I ask him a lot of questions and he usually answers. I swear he’s saying, “yeah.”

I watched a two-year-old have a full-throttle meltdown at the playground today and sent a silent prayer that E’s mellow personality puts me out of the risk group for these. But, I know, anything is possible… and he’ll have some version of that at some point, or at many points. For now, though, we happily go through the day, mostly in tune and not feeling frustrated with each other.

I’ve been giving thought to single motherhood and how many ways there are to do this. I met a single mom today with a 19-month-old daughter who (I think) was with the baby’s dad originally. While our experiences are likely different in many ways, I relate most to being single moms and the “by choice” part seems kind incidental, not to mention kind of obnoxious terminology–oh, I’m a single mom “by choice,” sorry you’re not.

I’ve had to clarify for some people that I’m not single by choice. They ask innocently, “But, if you met someone, would you consider being in a relationship?” Which is sweet. But, yes–I have yet to meet a human that I think is better off outside of a (healthy) partnership. I think it’s in our nature. As long as that partnership isn’t around at the moment, I chose to go ahead and have a baby.

This weekend, we went to a cute family Easter event–egg hunt, music, photos, food. My friend pointed out all the intact families and my first thought was–if I had a husband, I’d probably pressure him to go to stuff like this (since we should be doing things “as a family”), and he probably had something else planned (work, buddies, exercise), and if he didn’t come I’d be mad and if he did he’d be mad. Yep–I have that whole dynamic come up even though there’s no actual guy to trigger it. (Which may give you some insight as to why I’m not in a relationship now!) But, truly, I feel blissfully free of the negotiation and compromise and resentments that were part of relationships of my past. I love that everything E-related is my decision, my responsibility, my call.

I was kind of fascinated by this artlcle written by a woman who chose to have a baby without a partner while still younger (31), as her preference. She boldly asserts that one parent can be better than two, the theory being that the parents’ relationship doesn’t interfere with the parent/child relationship. I get where she’s coming from (especially in the case of unhealthy relationships), although I wouldn’t go as far as to say this way is better–just different. Not necessarily worse. I remain open-minded about my little family evolves.

As for dating again, I felt this Onion article nailed it: Single Mom Ready to Get Back Out There During 30 Minutes Per Week She’s Not Working or Watching Her Daughter. I’m miles from getting back out there. I’m enjoying just staying in here with this guy.

Who is almost 1! I made the mistake of googling first birthday party ideas! I am not gifted with crafty stuff! Please advise.

xo

Oh là là, this time it was over a month. Hello, friends. I’ve been more or less buried in working mom-ville. But tonight as I finished up baking some baby biscuits, it dawned on me–why am I not blogging while pumping?

So, here I am blogging while pumping. It’s been kind of an epic last couple of weeks. I flew with baby E to Chicago almost 2 weeks ago. I had some allergies happening due to the blooming and blossoming of California, despite a historic drought. This may have morphed into a bit of a cold and E got a runny nose as well. Within two days, E had croup again–the night before the event for which I traveled to Chicago… So, I missed it. My awesome colleagues filled in, and I spent 5 hours driving around Chicago to get him to urgent care and then a particularly slow Walgreens to get his dose of steroids.

We had a pretty mellow weekend–at that point, I think our colds plateaued. But we were also going in and out of cold weather and heat and only sometimes remembering to fill the humidifier, and I was feeling my skin go dry as well as the inside of my nose. On Tuesday, I got up at 5:30am to drive to a school in Michigan 3+ hours away for around 5 hours of meetings–then 3+ hours back. I was starting to really be sick at that point. The next day, E and I flew back to California, both of us with noses dripping like faucets. We sat next to THE nicest-ever lady who is a mom and loved E to pieces, even letting him put his snotty hands all over her iPad. Thank goodness Mimi and Chacha picked us up at the airport and helped us unpack and repack for Sonoma, where I had the next in back-to-back work events. We took E to the pediatrician on Thurs, and she said that we likely got the 2-3 week virus that’s going around. Sigh. We were only one week in. Plus, we both had pink eye.

We drove the short distance to Sonoma later that day and by evening I was a mess–sore throat, stuffy head, cough, red crusty eyes. I was afraid of scaring the participants. After a night of limited sleep, E did OK and I powered through the work day. It went very well. No one noticed my notice actually running as I gave a presentation. (Except my colleague who snuck over with a Kleenex.) I made it to 4pm and we drove home and I went to bed and slept much of the weekend.

But by Monday, I wasn’t better. I’ve just completed two work from home days that were actually quite productive but a visit of my own to the doctor resulted in a diagnosis of a bacterial infection. And maybe an infected lymph node as it’s like a lemon in the side of my neck (but let’s hope not). I considered for two seconds not taking antibiotics (I hate taking them) but the doc said I’d likely be sick for 3 more weeks. My parents left last night (sob) and I need to be able to take care of this handful of a guy! On my way from Walgreens to pick up E today, the nanny texted that he’d taken a turn for the worse. (She actually said, “Evan está más enfermo.” Our communication in Spanish does not allow for a lot of nuance. I started to try to clarify but realized it was probably futile and just quickened my pace. When I got there, he was indeed cranky, lethargic, and drippy-nosed. On the walk home, he actually put his head down on my chest while riding in the Ergo, which he would never do outside of nap time. Poor guy.

All of this to say–I’m getting a real dose of not only motherhood but working motherhood and working single motherhood. And, more specifically, caring for a sick baby while sick. A colleague emailed me today, “Get used to it–you’ll be sick for the next two years.” Thanks, colleague!

This is all par for the course. Thankfully, it’s nothing serious so far and the pink eye is gone and maybe a smidge of my antibiotics will get through my breastmilk to actually help baby E rather than simply to kill all his good bacteria. I should take a probiotic and eat sauerkraut and drink kombucha for good measure. Work is accommodating and I will likely just take a full-on sick day and keep E here with me tomorrow. Getting well has never been so critically important.

Meanwhile, E is almost 10 months old, sampling new foods with his pinkie in the air, conversing constantly with what could almost sound like words (but not really), and starting to move from one piece of furniture to the next. He now wears shoes (although I forgot to send him with shoes today). His curls are getting big and luscious. He still does dancey-dancey especially for my mom. He really tries to be a trooper when he’s not feeling well and even laid still with his eye open so I could get the drops in. These things will make your heart explode.

It’s so nice to be back in our space. I wish I could say that traveling made me feel empowered to travel but not with this result of sickness. I want to stay close to home and all our stuff and our routine and our nanny and beautiful, colorful, stupidly-expensive San Francisco.

Thank you for sending us vibes of good health and please also send strength to my friend who is going through IVF injections right now and needs a boost. I got out a 15-min video that I made of my nightly injections and was reminded of all I went through to get here. It ends up feeling beside the point but the journey is a beautiful thing, and every one of them is like your own snowflake: totally unique.

May you be healthy!