new day

I’d been feeling on top of my game for weeks, and then a few things happened. Two late-night sleepovers over the weekend, daylight savings, a boatload of snow, and catching up on a few doctors appointments which is crowding out exercise. I feel logey. Is that actually a word? I had several meet-ups over the weekend and I was at least somewhat late to all of them. I’m laying in bed for twenty minutes after the alarm goes off. And, instead of nimbly leaping from one task to the next, I feel like I’m doing the breaststroke in jello.

I also found out that I gained at least five pounds at a recent doc appointment. This is unusual for me- I tend to stay right at my stasis point. But I think it was the weaning. I stopped nursing and didn’t change my food intake, so maybe it caught up with me. Metabolism shift. That’s what it seems like- my body is in a transition period.

Plus, you know, aging. As much as I believe that I am grateful and lucky to have the chance to age, I, ahem, don’t like these changes. I know that nobody does. I wish that being intellectually at peace with it was the same as actually being at peace with it. Formerly perky parts of my body are responding to the call of gravity and my skin is looser everywhere. I caught a glimpse of my face in the locker room mirror after swim class the other day and my face looked a thousand years old, like a tired elephant. It was not the most flattering of light.

I’m writing this out in the hope that I’ll get back on track. When I did The Desire Map last year, I settled on one word to describe how I want to feel: “juiced.” I want to feel that sensation you have after a tough workout, with sore muscles  and the tiredness of having expended energy. I want to feel physically and creatively stimulated. I want to produce.

I’m working on my book. I mind-mapped it, organized the mind-map, and created an outline. Next step is to start the actual writing. Tomorrow. Lately, E is getting up super early during my precious morning time. Yesterday, he woke up at 5:30 and called out in a scratchy morning voice that he was “very hungry.” So I gave him an apple and got him back to sleep. Today it was 5:45 and he needed the potty. Again, I managed to get him back to sleep (hooray!). Many days, though, he runs out here at 6:00 and wants a video. And we’re getting to bed too late- I blame daylight savings right now. My writing schedule may need to change but I hope not- I love the getting enough sleep part. As much as I do miss having anything like reading or watching TV time. It will come back someday.

As I chatted with my new doctor on Monday, I remembered a key market for my book: people who don’t know anything about SMCs. My doc was a lovely woman, perhaps late fifties early sixties, perhaps Haitian although I could be wrong as she had a very light accent. She was fascinated by my story and kept asking questions. She just about fell over when I told her about donor sibling families. And at the end, she said, “You seem like such a sweet person. Did you really try to date?” O lady. You’ll have to read the book.

POTTY UPDATE: He’s doing awesome. There was that one week of resistance and then he found his way back to the joys of using the potty again, both at home and at school. He’s had no accidents at home recently. He can really hold it- can go for an hour after waking up before he’s ready to go pee. But at school something happens where he gets his pants wet while sitting on the big toilet. I feel like the teachers should be paying more attention to helping him point is penis in the right direction but I also realize that there are lots of kids in there at once. So, we (or they) will keep working on that part, but I’m feeling confident that we have a lot of the work behind us. He is proud and I am proud too.

And he has a new love of the snow- the trip from the house to the car takes half an hour. The only limit on his snow time is that he insists on wearing knit gloves instead of snow gloves so, you know, there is a point where it becomes painfully cold. I’ll try to reason with him today. 🙂

Sun is coming up and the birds are chirping. Happy new day xo

evan snow



katie v. katie

The doppelgänger story about me and the other Katie aired over the weekend on Snap Judgment! Check it out HEREkatie-v-katie

It was a fun experience. I knew it that the story was going live on Friday afternoon but around 11am that morning I got a text from my sister B, “I AM LISTENING TO YOUR VOICE!” The podcast had already deployed to subscribers.

Sure enough, the podcast had landed on my phone. I stopped what I was doing and played it on speaker. Pacing laps around my house. I loved it.

And then, at the end, Glynn Washington said the name of this blog, something I thought would be buried in my bio on their website. OMGGGG! And then I listened again.

The show was posted mid-afternoon to the WNYC site and I posted it on facebook. Then it aired over the weekend in public radio stations around the country. I got texts like “I just got into my car and heard your voice!” or “My husband thinks he just heard you on the radio!” Emails from strangers that said, “You won!” Twitter mentions, Facebook messages, comments on the blog. I got invited to do a magazine interview for a regional magazine. Blog traffic skyrocketed.

Most interesting for me has been to hear our story mirrored back with everyone’s ideas and interpretations about it. I heard from the other Katie’s friend from summer camp and her neighbor and her SMC friend in New Jersey. I heard from high school friends and colleagues and SMCs. I emailed with the director of the national SMC organization. A bunch of friends on Facebook theorized that the other Katie is a classic introvert. I don’t know. I still don’t know her at all and I didn’t think the story provided any more of a window into her emotional experience of this than her essay did. As one friend put it, “earnest is not her thing.”

But it was a great story in the same vein as so many Snap Judgment stories- they do a fantastic job editing, pacing, adding the music. It had an arc. It was compelling and surprising. It’s also a harmless story of coincidences in a time of awful daily news.

I was so proud and happy that they left in my mention of the “amazing, kick-ass women” of San Francisco single moms by choice. It seemed kind of extra to throw in that personal detail but it fit into the conversation seamlessly and was met with admiration. Of all things for me to plug on national radio, I’m thrilled that it was SMCs and my blog.

Over the weekend, we met another donor sibling! And I owe you a potty training update. More soon.

Lots of love to blog followers old and new!