making time

I’m always just barely pulling my thoughts together before midnight strikes on New Year’s Eve. But this year is different, in that it’s 8:49pm and I’m in for the evening, on my own with a sleeping boy.

Also, I’ve given a lot of thought to my plans for the New Year already, especially while laying around nursing and waiting for E to fall asleep. It doesn’t exactly qualify as meditation but it does sometimes qualify as productive, albeit relaxing, thought.

The other morning, I went on a four-mile run here in Scottsdale. I put on Liz Gilbert’s (of Eat, Pray, Love) podcast about creativity “Magic Lessons” and took off toward this pretty green space that has 20 miles of trails. Simultaneously, I started my Map My Run app to record my workout.

As you may know, Map My Run (or other apps) will pop in with a voice every mile that says, “Time: 10 minutes 30 seconds. Pace: 10 minutes 30 seconds per mile.” (I actually ran faster that day but often don’t, especially on the hills of SF.) Well, I went about listening to several inspiring podcasts, and it happened not just once but TWICE that when the Map My Run lady popped in to say, “Time:” the person in the podcast was saying the word “time.” Simultaneously. Twice.

The first time, I thought- cool. Notice. Coincidences are meaningful. I was understanding something like, “It’s time.” Hmmm. And when it happened again, I was blown away. The second time, the message was, “Make time.”

I mean, come on. How can I pull my thoughts together at 8:49pm on New Year’s Eve and think I’ll have a coherent plan for a full year? Or pull together a book proposal in 30-minute sessions once every three months? Or even do significant blog posts only on the bus? How can I even know what I want, what I am yearning for, what I’m fighting for, what I’m aiming for?

Make time. It’s so clear. And- it ties in with a conversation I had with my sisters in the basement in Chicago last week, where we crammed in all significant life topics and planning and sibling business into about 45 minutes. With kids, you must take these windows of opportunity or go years without having sister time. My life summary was: I have big creative projects brewing that can’t quite be articulated, I may try to have another baby, and I need to make more money. I’ve been happily working and parenting and running home from work and blogging–yet my ideas for next projects percolate and never quite go anywhere. My sisters’ prescription: the Miracle Morning.

Now, before I start championing this idea, let me state that I haven’t read the book, nor have I even once yet put the Miracle Morning into practice. All I know is what my sisters told me: go to sleep with E at 8pm and get up at 5:30am. Meditate, do affirmations, do visualizations, exercise, read, and write- for an hour. Every day. They’re both doing it and it’s indeed been life-changing for them. (B starts with dancing.)

What seems absolutely thrillingly right on about this is that the hour or so I get per evening to myself is wasted. I am beat. I walk out of the bedroom and somehow ending up looking at facebook for an hour and I haven’t even done the dishes yet. The prospect of putting clothes away fills me with despair. I have rarely done anything creative at that hour. So it does seem logical to start fresh, in the morning, and start the day with progress already under my belt. Plus, I’m drinking coffee again (yay!) and look forward to savoring my cup with more time in the morning (and the caffeine won’t hurt either given the early hour). Plus I could put in a load of laundry before getting started…

So, this is my plan. My mind is overflowing with other ideas for New Year’s resolutions, such as decluttering (never quite finished the Konmari method in 2015), finishing my book proposal (also didn’t finish in 2015), expressing love more freely, being more kind and generous with strangers, setting up a regular time to play chamber music, running a race, moving to Paris, designing a patented nursing garment, creating a gratitude practice, learning about content strategy, and coming up with a slogan for 2016 about being fearless. However, it seems like all of this can derive from my one hour a day, because that will be my time to focus on whatever I want. HAHA! It’s like the genie gave me three wishes and my first wish was for more wishes.

And, yes- for the past many months and years since embarking on the Solo Mama Project, my creative project has been bring E into the world and making his life awesome. And, yes- I actualized him after committing myself to the journey and many failed attempts. I also actualized my affordable two-bedroom apartment in a bananas rental market. I am a powerful being! I have many gifts to share with the world! I’m so looking forward to clearing some of the fuzz from my brain and just clearing some time and space for me.

May I express my gratitude for those of you who read my blog? Thank you!!! In 2016, get ready for the book, the podcast, the movie! Who knows? I’m enjoying the not knowing and just committing the time slot. That’s it. Clarity to follow. Hopefully more writing all around.

Grateful also for wonderful, memorable, relaxing family time in Scottsdale and Chicago, and while E did have croup #3 on Christmas Day (yuck), he’s doing much better and is doing awesome things like out of the blue singing happy birthday and counting to ten in Spanish.

Happy, happy, healthy, fulfilling, peaceful, new year to you xo