SMC – Page 3 – the solo mama project

family, gratitude, homebirth, meditation, Mother's Day, outdoors, pregnancy, single mom by choice, SMC

Happy Mother’s Day!

May 11, 2014May 11, 2014 thesolomamaproject

We started the day at UCSF for our first non-stress test to check on how the babe is doing. It was a little surreal to be in the Labor and Delivery unit of the hospital after all the expectation that I’ll be doing this at home–felt very busy like an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Everyone was very nice. Every single nurse and doctor I saw was a woman. They put me in such a tiny room that my parents had to wait in a (tiny) waiting room and it was really hot and I thought for a moment I might be too claustrophobic to stay in there. They strapped on the big belts and I heard the baby’s heartbeat for 20 minutes, as well as big static when he was moving, which was often. They came back and said his heartbeat was ‘perfect.’ Measured the amniotic fluid and it was a 9 (they want higher than 6). The doctor said his head is “massively down.” So, everything checked out and we were sent home. It felt great to get a good report. I have another appointment on Wednesday.

In the afternoon, we took a nice urban hike in the warm sun with a cool wind. We got a picnic’s worth of food at Bi-Rite and headed up to Alamo Square to lay around and eat and people watch. It was so relaxing and lovely. I am so BIG. The cashier at Bi-Rite said it looks like I’m “about to explode.” It’s nearly impossible to put on my shoes and makes me out of breath. When it was time to go home, I almost pulled down my dad who was trying to help me get up off the ground!

I’m sleepy after getting a no-sleep nap this afternoon because the baby was kicking so much. My mom suggested a bath which is such a fantastic idea so that’s where I’m headed.

But, first, I at least wanted to say, in a sleepy and probably inarticulate way, how much I love and appreciate my mom. WOW has she (and my dad) taken the bull by the horns in this baby-prep-mode and embraced the whole process of this waiting period. I am so lucky that my parents are here! I basically didn’t even get a card together this Mother’s Day, but I know that more importantly we are spending this exciting time together. Thank you, Mom, for all the nourishing mama cooking, for running and organizing the kitchen, for scrubbing the floors like Cinderella, for being game for any length of walk, for watching episodes of Call the Midwife while I weep over the births. And soon: for being here for my baby’s birth and all the help I’ll need afterward. I am so grateful.

Meanwhile, I must also acknowledge the equally enormous contributions of my dad, who is responsible for installing many fixtures, ordering and assembling needed items, getting the washer and dryer up the stairs and functioning, all kinds of chauffeuring and parking, omelets, Waldorf salads, expertly filling and emptying the birth tub, and more. Thank you, Dad!

Finally, without trying to be comprehensive because I’m excited to take a bath and then probably go to sleep, I am sending love and gratitude to all the mamas in my life–the SMCs, the homebirthers, those pregnant and trying to get pregnant, the dog-mamas and cat-mamas, the aunties, and those who just plain love and nurture their loved ones in a way that makes the world go round. Actually, I think that is comprehensive. I wish for all of this wonderful nurturing energy to be acknowledged and appreciated today. Love to you all.

I’ll go out with my 41 week belly shot and I know enough not to jinx it by saying it’s the last one. (Check out my amazing shadow.) I’ll be over here meditating and sleeping and buttering this baby up. xo

Buddhism, family, gratitude, homebirth, Mother's Day, parenthood, pregnancy, single mom by choice, SMC

ready

May 10, 2014 thesolomamaproject

Dear Baby Boy,

We’re ready for your arrival. We’re so excited to meet you! Here’s what being ready looks like on the outside:

Here are your new clothes, laundered and folded.

Here’s where you will spend many hours with Mommy, nursing.

Here’s a little birth shrine with items that will keep me feeling strong and reminded of you.

This is how Mimi organized the food that will nourish you through me.

This is the new apartment-sized washer and dryer funded by generous benefactors, to keep all your baby clothes clean!

And the birth tub, which keeps us reminded every day that you’ll be here soon.

I’m ready in my heart, too, to move you through me and into this outside world. I will miss this lovely not-quite-one, not-quite-two symbiosis, but I also feel that you are strong and ready to make your grand entrance. It’s going to be more hospitable for you out here, baby. I’m working with my body through yoga, walking, and resting to offer you safe passage and I believe you also have some mysterious work of your own to do to make it possible. We’re ready! So let’s do it. Mothers Day would be fine, or whatever day this week works for you.

With love and great anticipation,
Mom

acupuncture, anxiety, gratitude, meditation, parenthood, pregnancy, single mom by choice, SMC

‘late’

May 8, 2014 thesolomamaproject

Well, here we are 4 days past the due date and babes is still acting pretty comfortable in there.

First, I should say that all is well! I feel great. I’m sleeping and eating well, walking, swimming, doing yoga. These days are still precious gifts of mental/physical/material preparation. AND I’m still within the range of normal: first-time Caucasian moms on average go 8 days past their due date. As you know, I am both a first-time mom and Caucasian, and I always thought/knew we would go late. So I’m honestly not too surprised to be here.

On the day after my due date, I went over the protocol for the next two weeks with my midwife. It’s crazy how on 5/3 he would have been “early” and on 5/5 I was already “late” and walking through all the possible complications and interventions. Damn the arbitrary due date! Yet, I reminded myself that even though this baby will most likely be born on a normal and perfect timetable of his own creation, we did need to walk through what-ifs now that we know he won’t be early or precisely on time. (It should be noted that, as a rule, I am neither early nor precisely on time either.)

So–this week, nothing really changes. I keep resting, eating well, getting my heart rate up for an hour a day, drinking pregnancy tea, taking Mother’s Blend and black currant oil, relaxing. Not stressing. Doing kick counts and taking fetal love breaks.

Starting at 41 weeks (Sunday), I need to go in for non-stress tests at the hospital to make sure the baby is still thriving. They check the variability of the heartbeat and the level of amniotic fluid. This can lead to a thumbs up and come back in a few days, or, if the results are not optimal, a quick induction. If nothing happens by the end of next week, we’d try natural (castor oil) and then finally hospital (pitocin) methods of induction to ensure that I don’t go past 42 weeks. So that’s the roadmap.

It’s a relief to have the plan although tough to so quickly be thrust into the mindset of being ‘late.’ (Even though ‘normal.’) Again–being ‘early’ would have completely thrown me and made me feel unprepared, yet ‘late’ makes me feel a bit like an overripe piece of fruit. I have seen this so often from an outside perspective–the mom goes past her due date and is just done, over it, uncomfortable, and all-around cranky. I remember thinking (in that way that you know you don’t really understand because you haven’t experienced it), ‘Why is she so cranky? She knows the baby will come soon one way or another and all she has to do is relax and watch movies…’ In yoga, the teacher often asks whoever’s at 41 weeks if her phone is blowing up and she nods and rolls her eyes and the teacher gives her strategies for telling people to back off (like sending them to haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com).

I now have four days of insight into this genre of living with uncertainty and managing the expectations of the outside world. I have the huge bonus of not being uncomfortable which means my own reserves of patience are pretty full. And baby is doing all his kicks so I’m not overly worrying about his well-being. The anticipation is growing but the days feel peaceful and luxurious and lovely.

What stresses me out is my phone. Every time I look at it, there’s another text or email or voicemail. Now, you guys know me by now– I love hearing that people are thinking about me and sending good wishes. This is always welcome and I have many times been the one impatiently waiting for news on the other side, sending tentative “thinking of you” texts while trying to avoid any hint that I’m actually “checking in” (which I probably am). You really want to know that the mom and baby are OK and sometimes it gets unbearable to hear nothing. You start feeling like the ecstatic new mom may have forgotten to deploy the basic stats in a birth announcement and is now ensconced in a love cocoon that will prevent her from remembering her outside world and their burning need for information. And you want to know the name and see a photo and be assured that all is well. I know. I’ve been there, even in the past few weeks!

It’s the questions (“Do you have a baby yet?” “Sooooo?” My favorite from J, “When is he coming!!! We are all waiting for him!!!!’). And any expectation of me calling back. I know these are also fueled by love and good wishes, but I then have to convey a disappointing lack of news and speculate about something I can’t predict, which turns out to be stressful for me. Which I know is no one’s wish.

So, here goes me asking for what I need. I humbly ask of my beloved community to please send frequent love and good wishes and ‘thinking of you’ texts and voicemails and blog comments which will be code for ‘I’m dying for news over here and love you and the baby so much my heart may burst!’ and I promise to get the birth announcement posted on the blog as soon as my new mom life makes it possible.

I’ll be over here focusing on being rested, fueled, and stress-free, and also getting things rolling with daily acupuncture and meditation and walking and generally getting my head in the game. And having chats with Baby Boy about how exciting life is on the outside. (“Here’s your new bed, and here are your new clothes, and here’s your Mimi and Chacha, and here are the beautiful woods, and over there is the Golden Gate Bridge.” etc.)

One thing we all know for sure: he’ll be here soon. And I can’t wait to introduce you!!!

xoxoxo

family, gratitude, homebirth, outdoors, pregnancy, single mom by choice, SMC

due date

May 4, 2014 thesolomamaproject

May the Fourth be with you!

I’ve had this date in my mind since the end of August–it seemed so far away!

I woke up feeling agitated and like I needed to finish the entire to-do list once and for all, today–clean, declutter, finish thank yous, test fill the birth tub (I heard several birth stories the day before that all featured some kind of drama around the birth tub and difficulties getting it full in time for the big event). I felt like the panicky feeling was mostly hormonal but probably due-date-related. We decided to walk to Off the Grid in the Presidio for lunch and the fresh semi-foggy air felt so good, really reset my mood. We got fancy food truck food, peoplewatched, looked out at the sailboats on the bay.

My family is so amazing. I can’t even believe how much everyone has already done to help–this is a full-on project and everyone has jobs. My parents have so much energy. This weekend, the pantry got organized, the kitchen counter is finally visible again, the bathroom got scrubbed, a beautiful new light fixture got installed in my bedroom, a new towel rack got installed in the bathroom, a new smoke alarm is up in the hall, the birth tub has been test filled and is in the process of having the water pumped out, meals got prepared and cleaned up, and I got rides here and there. The only thing I did myself was to finish my thank you cards. Big relief.

This weekend, I’ve been able to nap, walk, do yoga, attend a homebirth collective birth stories potluck, attend an SMC monthly meeting. It’s so luxurious after holding together the massive to do lists more or less on my own to this point

We were all sitting around last night talking about the whole journey, and my mom reminded me what I said to her when I called to say I was pregnant. “WE DID IT!”

This is truly a village effort and I’m so grateful. Thank you.

I’m tired after participating in a prenatal yoga video shoot today–need to get to bed. But I did want to mark my due date and share today’s belly shot. I’m so glad to have made it to my due date. I know baby boy is ready anytime and we’re ready for him. And, meanwhile, I’m glad for each peaceful day, getting readier and readier.

And smelling the roses along the way.

acupuncture, family, gratitude, homebirth, parenthood, pregnancy, single mom by choice, SMC

on leave

April 27, 2014April 27, 2014 thesolomamaproject

I finished up work–sent out my ‘bye for now’ email to my team and set my out of office reply at 11:30pm on Friday night, my last work day before maternity leave. I finished everything on my to do list and cleaned out my inbox completely. I changed the settings on my phone so I won’t get notifications of new emails. It’s an amazing feeling to put work aside for more than two weeks, something I’ve maybe never done since I started working.

I’m decompressing now. I’m so exhausted, like all the years of working just caught up with me and now I don’t have to keep up appearances anymore and I can just be super-preggers and slow and tired. Today I walked 3 blocks to the bookstore and was staggering with round ligament pain on the way back. Hopefully one of my belly belts will help with this so I can keep walking but man those ligaments are struggling to hold up the weight. I kind of want a little cart to wheel in front of me.

It hasn’t completely sunk in yet that I’m done working, to be honest. It still feels impossible and surreal that they will send me paychecks as I adapt to my new job of motherhood. I think it will begin to feel real tomorrow morning, which is Monday. My brain is already letting the details of my projects go…

Crossing work off the to do list is huge and allows me to fully focus on taking care of myself and putting the finishing touches on preparations. And did I mention rest? My schedule this week: midwife, catch up with dear C, massage, therapist, acupuncture, haircut, pedicure. Parents arrive Wednesday to take up residence in the guest room!

Right now, babes is flicking at my pubic bone and sticking out his booty, awaiting his big day.

Last night, I had to get up twice to eat and then was ravenous again in the morning, which has contributed to my tired state. Which is why I think I should wrap this sleepy post and put my prego ass in bed with the giant magical pregnancy pillow (which I am calling Nagini. Did I mention I finished the Harry Potter series?i). I’m reading the Sears book about vaccines, which is 7 years old but interesting and accessible. I’ll get the updates online. I’m definitely vaccinating, just good to read a voice of reason and understand the details of it when there’s so much ignorance out there fueling the controversy.

So, anyway, I’m feeling fine and happy and sleepy. Enjoying these last sweet, peaceful days of my old life. (My apartment is so noticeably quiet.)

Today’s burgeoning belly @ 39 weeks!

family, homebirth, outdoors, parenthood, pregnancy, single mom by choice, SMC

in the window

April 20, 2014April 30, 2016 thesolomamaproject

It was a great weekend–birth tub is set up and is vaguely heart-shaped due to a missing clip. I took 2-hour naps each day, did yoga, got outside for a walk. The drum kit has been moved out of my apartment. My sister and I did a prego photo shoot that turned out really well. And I just did a big grocery shop to prepare to feed the birth team: snacks and a big pot of chili so far. For me, I also got a palette of coconut water and a bunch of Recharges. Also herbs for post-partum and lactation tea.

I spent Saturday evening and much of Sunday morning working on the baby’s name. Now I’ll embark on one of my favorite conversation topics recently: talking about names in general without mentioning specifics! I’m not sharing the names because I don’t want opinions yet and feel like it’s a special luxury to be able to do this completely by myself. It’s also a big job, a super-important job, and not as straightforward as back in the day when you had like ten acceptable names to choose from. (Eventually I’ll run the finalists by someone in order to prevent any snafus like Justin Case or Ann Job.)

I was just reading a blog post on “Baby Name Wizard” called “Why Your Baby Name Choice is Making You Miserable.” Basically–too many options. These days, anything goes–any made-up name or crazy spelling seems to be fair game. And that amount of choice creates paralysis and, sometimes, remorse.

I’ve been working on the name for months in my mind, and this weekend I finally created a spreadsheet. There are so many good, solid names that I have to rule out due to their association with ex-boyfriends–a hazard of having a baby at 40. I’ve decided on a first name, which has been the front runner for a long time. So, with a first and last name, it should be simple to pick a middle, right? But while I have one middle name that I love, it has no family connection and I’m looking at adding a second middle name (because, why not? I polled my friends who have two middle names or have given their kids two middle names, and they seem to love it), but now I’ve spent enough time on the analysis that I’m getting overly hung up on trying to summarize our entire family heritage and pull together the perfect meaning–it’s like writing a poem and trying to explain absolutely everything in four words.

So, I’m going to let it simmer and evolve again for a bit. How’s that for a discussion of names without divulging any particulars? By the time you hear it, it will be as perfect as it gets.

Em came over on Friday for my home visit. I always think this must start to feel old hat to her after 1100 births, but no–she was super excited for me. We’re here, we’re in the window: 37-42 weeks. After all the work and preparation I’ve done, the baby could now easily come at any time. When she checked me, though, he hadn’t dropped yet, so we probably have some time. Even once he drops it can be weeks… there’s just no way to know.

He’ll come when he’s ready, or whenever my body mysteriously triggers labor–no one knows why it happens when it does (and if they did, they would make a lot of money). So, I proceed with my last work week (going in every other day), aware that it could be anytime and it will likely be another 2-3 weeks (and could even be 4). And please note! I will not be liveblogging the birth! But I’m sure I’ll get an announcement posted before too too long. (Who knows how long though? Hard to imagine life on the other side.)

On a walk in the Presidio yesterday with my sister Aunt B, she snapped this photo. Babies and flowers in bloom! xo

gratitude, homebirth, pregnancy, single mom by choice, SMC

ready-ish-er

April 14, 2014April 15, 2014 thesolomamaproject

Me sitting on a yoga ball at 37 weeks with a not-yet-assembled birth tub in the background, and, if you look really closely at what’s on the piano, a tiny pair of newborn cowboy boots:

You guys, I have to go to bed. I have had a mad burst of productivity in the last 24 hours, including doing my taxes last night until midnight and assembling the last of the supplies for the home birth (including buying and laundering birth sheets (clearance) and after-birth sheets (800 thread count with Target gift cards)). My midwife comes by tomorrow afternoon for a home visit to check out my level of preparation and I believe I will get a gold star.

I just took a video of my belly because the baby is exploring the limits of his current home and it’s pretty entertaining. He’s been working out for about an hour and it’s a bellyquake. I wish I could get that video on here. Hold on, let me try something…

There, I think I did it, hopefully. I’m running out of steam! Yes–my belly looks like the surface of the moon. Immense. But it’s mostly the angle 🙂

Feels good to be ready-ish. More to do, sure, but it’s things like–buy Recharge and coconut water and snacks. Write last thank you notes. Do comprehensive name search (I guess I won’t feel technically done with that until I have a spreadsheet). Nap, do yoga, walk, meditate, take fetal love breaks. Take daily prenatal, fish oil, probiotics, iron, black currant oil, and Mother’s Blend. Eat protein and fat. Declutter. It’s doable.

I’m going to the office every other day to conserve energy. Tomorrow working from home. Starting to compile the status reports to hand off my projects–I’m done at the end of next week!

Not wishing it to go faster. I might be singing a different tune in 4 weeks or so, but this is time is pretty incredible.

And as long as he’s happy doing a jig in there, we’ll just keep doing what we’re doing.

good night! xo

family, gratitude, homebirth, parenthood, pregnancy, single mom by choice, SMC

prep and presence

April 8, 2014 thesolomamaproject

I just got a Happy Anniversary message from WordPress and it took me a second to realize that this blog is two years old yesterday! Imagine that. Two years ago was my first attempt to get pregnant, and now I’m weeks from welcoming the bambino. I wish you could see my belly dramatically wiggling in front of the keyboard right now as he does his training regimen for life on the outside.

I went back and read the inaugural post and a few of the early ones… My friend L told me last night, “I’m so happy you took the bull by the horns.” Seriously.

I’ve rounded the corner into the final weeks of pregnancy and I feel it. I got up to pee in the night and it seemed like my belly was even bigger than it was when I went to bed. A man begging for money on the street this morning wished me a smooth delivery and added, “It doesn’t look like you have much time…” And that’s one of the wildest things about this–you don’t know if you have 6 weeks left or a matter of days. How to plan?

Well, if he came tonight, which he won’t, it would be a total chaos but I can live with that because it’s not going to happen since he’ll most likely be late. It would also have to be in the hospital since I’m only 36 weeks. There’s no hospital bag, no family on call. It would be a wild and improvised event and would probably go fine. But he’ll be late so I’m not worrying about this.

Starting this Sunday I’ll be 37 weeks, and that’s the first day a home birth is possible. Which means that I need the tub set up, all the supplies ready, and many laundered hats, towels, and receiving blankets. I need the car seat installed by then. And I need to file an extension on my taxes. And do a photo shoot of my prego bod thanks to my sister and her fancy camera. So there’s a bit to do before Sunday.

Tomorrow I’ll verify his position on an ultrasound, Thursday I’ll drop off my Group B Strep sample (pray for negative) and visit the chiropractor (the numbness on my left thigh has turned to sunburn-like pain), and Friday AAA will install the carseat.

So many lists of things to do when all they need on Call the Midwife is a clean sheet, a few towels, and a basin! So many labor techniques from hypnobirthing to Bradley Method to Birthing From Within to mindfulness–CDs, podcasts, books… I crave simplicity and putting faith in my intuition, gauging the right amount of prep that leaves me calm and not overwhelmed. Ready-ish is the goal. My friend J who gave birth two weeks ago said, “K, you will just know what to do.” Inchallah. It is my deep wish.

These last days are precious, not just for planning, but to appreciate my freedom. To sleep at long stretches, to laze around, to do whatever I want at all moments. To waddle around downtown with people’s eyes covertly on my disproportional belly. Today looked so much like the day I sat in Justin Herman Plaza last August and listened to Olga’s voicemail triumphantly announcing my pregnancy test results–“I have great, great, great news!” And now that tiny cluster of cells is a rumbling 6-pound baby with only one thing left on his to-do list in utero: to fatten up.

On Sunday, I skyped with my sister B and our nieces–here they are checking out the belly. (After this, they showed me their bellies, obv.) 🙂

breech, gratitude, homebirth, IVF, parenthood, pregnancy, single mom by choice, SMC

happy

March 30, 2014 thesolomamaproject

Please watch this video of NYC people dancing to the song “Happy”–only if you want to feel happy, smile, and maybe (probably) dance. It gets me teary in the same way that the Virgin America safety video gets me teary–so life-affirming, somehow. That’s what it’s all about.

I’ve been feeling happy! Why? BABY FLIPPED! I went to the chiropractor on Wednesday and she said, “This baby is head down!” and Em confirmed it the next day. It was the hugest relief, just huge. I had done a lot of the techniques on my list, and some of them may have worked. Most effective seemed to be the moxa followed by a hot bath with frozen vegetables on the top of my belly. My belly was rippling with his dramatic movements.

But, most of all, it was a lesson in trusting my intuition–and also, crazily enough, his. I put my faith in the idea that this baby knows how he’d like to be born. I gazed at this poster to give him additional inspiration:

And he totally did his thing. To ensure that he stays in place, I’m still doing the moxa every other day, deep squats, walking, and listening with my new fetalscope to confirm that his heartbeat can be heard best just above my pelvis. Yay, baby, yay, baby!!!

Also, I’m just happy right now. My baby is on his way and I’m already 35 weeks. Two friends on a long road of infertility just let me know they’re pregnant–local SMC friend J and also a blogger friend in England who’s also an SMC (and while you’re on her site, don’t miss her video “Ice, Ice Babies”). Healthy new babies were recently born to longtime friend L and newer friend and prenatal yoga partner and fellow homebirther J–the first of our crew to give birth (I have yet to hear the story!!). I got about halfway through my thank you cards (phew). I ordered some stuff I needed online (including an overdue giant body pillow), picked up my laundry, cleaned the house (ps you don’t realize how much cleaning the house requires bending). Went to a dinner party last night with 3 pregnant friends and their husbands, all due within the next 6 weeks. I’m almost done with Book 6 of Harry Potter. Kabuki Springs is going to email me when they get more green sarongs in from Indonesia. I’ve started writing down names. These are good times!

I don’t write about work here but let’s just say that it feels less and less relevant as the approaching birth takes center stage. I’ll leave my projects in good shape, but man it takes a lot of energy to get through a work day. On weeknights I just want mindless viewing (just rewatched Desperately Seeking Susan) and to not do my dishes. I can totally understand taking off 4 weeks before the due date, although I’m definitely not wishing these days to go faster–they are sweet and precious and I need them all to get through the to do list. Maternity leave starts 4/25.

So what’s still on the list, let’s see…I need a space heater. Who told me they could give me one again? Please remind me. Need to put in the little washer and dryer. Need a sarong from Kabuki (I picture myself laboring in a sarong). By 37 weeks, I need the carseat installed, the tub set up and tested out, and…the house decluttered (getting there). I need to do my taxes and do a will. I need to give away a pile of baby stuff I don’t need from the hand-me-down pile. I need to find a pediatrician.

I had a dream that I started going into labor. I experienced a dream contraction which I breathed through with my mom by my side. I woke up and was glad I wasn’t really in labor yet and also kind of laughed at myself for inventing a sensation I can’t possibly imagine. Before I went to study abroad, I had recurring dreams of being in France, walking down cobblestone streets, thinking, “I can’t believe I’m really here!”–and I wasn’t. I had not yet been to France and my brain was cutely trying to invent what it might be like. I can sense it beginning to do that now.

Although I don’t have many details yet from J about her new Peanut, she did text me this today, “I feel like I was in a weight lifting competition and I won! Sore, tired, proud! I get emotional just thinking that people I love like you will go through it soon.”

Which of course gets me emotional too… She came with me to birth class as my partner two nights before giving birth!

Here’s my selfie for this week. I read today that the baby won’t get much longer at this point but will continue to fatten up by about half a pound a week, so there will be more growing to do. According to strangers with no internal editors, I have achieved “about to pop” status–with 5 weeks to go.

Have a great week, friends! xo

acupuncture, anxiety, breech, gratitude, homebirth, meditation, pregnancy, single mom by choice, SMC

turn, baby, turn

March 22, 2014 thesolomamaproject

I had a directional ultrasound yesterday and confirmed that bébé is breech at 34 weeks. Eek!

He was head down at every other ultrasound, and even two weeks ago when Em checked me she felt his head in my pelvis. But on Thursday, Em couldn’t find his head–it seemed that baby boy felt the need to explore upward. Now I need to do everything in my power to get him to head back down.

My childhood friend V is visiting and came with me to the appt at UCSF yesterday, which was with a certified nurse midwife I’ve never seen before and I’m pretty sure the one most people don’t like. After giving my urine sample, she rushed me to the exam room, saying she had to hurry to make it to her own doctor’s appointment. (We had been 5 minutes late after missing the exit in Daly City.) She got me on the table, lubed me up with not-warm lube, and the very second she got the image on the monitor said, “the baby is breech.” So, not a lot of mysterious waiting. Then I watched a series of baby images fly by on the screen as she confirmed his position (including seeing his boy parts for the first time–cool), and then she said things like, “I strongly recommend not having a home birth with a breech baby.” (My understanding is that due to recent legislation, midwives are forbidden from assisting home births of breech babies, twins, and any baby being born outside of 37-42 weeks anyway, and I obviously wouldn’t do it unassisted.) Then she flew out.

Mostly I was annoyed that we didn’t get the chance to leisurely gaze at my baby on the monitor. I was pretty sure Em was right after the appointment the day before–I’d been getting a little obsessed over the previous week with figuring out the position of the baby, waking up at 3am and going to http://www.spinningbabies.com to work on belly mapping. But I just could not figure out what was what. Big kicks here, little flutters there, what the heck is this bump? Now I feel like my intuition was telling me something had changed.

I called Em, and she gave me a bunch of strategies for the coming days as we have 2-3 weeks to turn this situation around. After doing a bunch of googling, I can see that these are pretty universal:

Lie on an inverted ironing board against the couch with feet up and head down for 15 mins, twice a day. (I tried it this morning and it sucked. I googled further to find people complaining about it but found no complaints…maybe I did it wrong, but it was the same old discomfort of being on my back which cuts off circulation, plus not being able to breathe, plus feeling all my weigh pushing down on my neck, plus my tailbone grinding into the board. This one needs work–I’ll try with just pillows.)
Take pulsatilla, a homeopathic remedy–I took some last night.
Moxa: Chinese medicine technique of applying heat near an acupressure point associated with turning the baby: the outside pinkie toe (bladder 67). I’m getting some moxa from Em when I go to breakfast at her house tomorrow.
Acupuncture (same pinkie toe point–already had this on Thurs)
Lean forward, crawl around on hands and knees, do handstands and flips in the pool
Put frozen vegetables by the baby’s head and a warm compress near pelvis, coaxing him toward the warmth
Play music or shine light near the pelvis, maybe he’ll get curious and come on down?
Talk to baby, meditate, write out emotions, chant, recruit support and head-down vibes from blog followers

I won’t bother going into all the scenarios if he doesn’t flip by 37 weeks, because he will. He just will! (Visualization from V: I’m so grateful my baby flipped and I got to have a natural birth!)

Still, it’s upsetting, and my first lesson in a while in You Do Not Control This. This one is really up to the babe. I’m showing him every 5 minutes with my hands the direction to go, which is roughly counter-clockwise. Turn, baby!

I talked to my sister D last night and she said the same thing happened with her first–and she turned with plenty of time.

Yay, baby, yay baby!!!