single mom by choice, SMC, trying to conceive, ttc, two week wait

probably not

My temp plummeted this morning, which is what it does right before I get my period. The doctor told me to stop taking my temp, likely to avoid this type of freakout, but I sort of couldn’t. It seemed like the info could be useful later, and plus after so many months I am deeply rooted in this habit of waking up and rolling over to reach for the thermometer. So, there it was, down from 97.6 to 96.3. Exactly like it plummeted the morning of the day AF arrived last month. Likely a no-go. OOOOOK.

I started the day filled with dread. I feel unshowered (ok, I AM unshowered). I look a mess. I don’t think I’m exaggerating. I caught a glimpse of myself in the work bathroom mirror earlier and I kind of shuddered.  I know that a run would do me good but forgot to do laundry last night and have zero clean workout clothes. I slogged into the office knowing the importance of getting a LOT of work done today, and I did OK. But with moments of tearing up and zinging little SOSs to friends who all totally get it, especially the SMCs. Ms. R. even canceled her vague evening plans so she could come with me to see a silly movie tonight. As Beans says, we are PUPO = Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise, praying to the Buddha for our little panda bears. But it’s just not looking good. Or feeling good. O the unfairness that when you discover you’re not pregnant you’re already in PMS mode!

And, yes, it’s Mothers Day weekend.

I know I know I know this will happen for me (thanks La Colombiana) but it really doesn’t feel like it at this moment. So, I’ll cry it out and get on with hikes and sunshine and celebrating my own mom who is probably the best person I know. Thanks for being out there. If my thermometer is playing tricks on me, I will kiss it and delete this post. I hope everyone has a great weekend. On to CD1 or a bewildering turn of events!

PS Dear Wonderful and Much-Maligned AF: if you’re on your way, will you hurry the F up? I could use a cocktail.


5 thoughts on “probably not”

  1. Oh, KT
    I’m so sorry! Believe me…I know exactly what you mean!
    Man, so many visualizations of going through the year’s events, envisioning a baby growing and developing in the safety and comfort of my belly, ever-expanding from one holiday to the next…only to find out that, well, you know the rest.
    Yeah, Mother’s Day is a rough one, to boot. But you’re right, you’ve got your o.w.n. mama to celebrate, and your sister. There will be other Mother’s Days for you, ma cherie. Je te promets. Si c’etait possible pour moi une deuxieme fois, je suis certaine que ca va se realiser pour toi, aussi. Certaine. En fait, je vais pleurer maintenant.
    I wish I could hug you.
    You are strong. You know what you want. You will get there.

  2. I agree with your doctor. After months and months of taking my temp, I agree that the best thing is to not take it. It’s not going to give you any more information than you already have. And it only prolongs the misery. The misery of getting your period or a negative pregnancy test 14 days after your IUI is prolonged by DAYS by monitoring temps, taking early pregnancy tests, etc, etc. But I also agree that you may need to learn that yourself about yourself, by doing it and realizing how bad it feels. I started putting my thermometer and all my pregnancy tests in a high, inaccessible place because I was often miserable for days. Don’t do that to yourself! Be kind!

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