million bucks

We are finally getting better. That was 3+ weeks of coughing in a socially unacceptable way. I’m just so happy to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There were moments when I thought–well, I’ll just have to get used to this cough, because I will have it FOREVER. But thankfully no–the cough is decreasing in intensity, for both E and me.

After an eventful weekend that included a lot of walking and outdoor time, I am super exhausted but approaching Monday morning as the Post-Illness-Era–the dawn of a new day. I worked from home four days last week and, while I am more productive when not having to commute, it will be nice to get out into the world and have to wear something besides yoga pants again and (at least partially) tame my wild, and much of the time unwashed, hair.

I have a pot of lentil soup in the fridge and two lasagnas in the oven. I will not get around to folding the clean laundry that’s been on the guest bed for a week now. You win some, you lose some. We are not perfectionists around here.

E is blasting through his development and it’s kind of mind-boggling at the moment–so many firsts all the time. He’s started giving me hugs (and he only sometimes bites my shoulder at the same time). He has learned how to go down off the couch or a stair by turning himself around and going feet first. Tonight at dinner, he invented a game of peek-a-boo with my sister, where he simply looked away and then excitedly looked back. Then he used his bib to cover one eye. Then he used his fist. While I’m not yet perceiving that he understands what I’m saying, I think he probably does a lot of the time. I ask him a lot of questions and he usually answers. I swear he’s saying, “yeah.”

I watched a two-year-old have a full-throttle meltdown at the playground today and sent a silent prayer that E’s mellow personality puts me out of the risk group for these. But, I know, anything is possible… and he’ll have some version of that at some point, or at many points. For now, though, we happily go through the day, mostly in tune and not feeling frustrated with each other.

I’ve been giving thought to single motherhood and how many ways there are to do this. I met a single mom today with a 19-month-old daughter who (I think) was with the baby’s dad originally. While our experiences are likely different in many ways, I relate most to being single moms and the “by choice” part seems kind incidental, not to mention kind of obnoxious terminology–oh, I’m a single mom “by choice,” sorry you’re not.

I’ve had to clarify for some people that I’m not single by choice. They ask innocently, “But, if you met someone, would you consider being in a relationship?” Which is sweet. But, yes–I have yet to meet a human that I think is better off outside of a (healthy) partnership. I think it’s in our nature. As long as that partnership isn’t around at the moment, I chose to go ahead and have a baby.

This weekend, we went to a cute family Easter event–egg hunt, music, photos, food. My friend pointed out all the intact families and my first thought was–if I had a husband, I’d probably pressure him to go to stuff like this (since we should be doing things “as a family”), and he probably had something else planned (work, buddies, exercise), and if he didn’t come I’d be mad and if he did he’d be mad. Yep–I have that whole dynamic come up even though there’s no actual guy to trigger it. (Which may give you some insight as to why I’m not in a relationship now!) But, truly, I feel blissfully free of the negotiation and compromise and resentments that were part of relationships of my past. I love that everything E-related is my decision, my responsibility, my call.

I was kind of fascinated by this artlcle written by a woman who chose to have a baby without a partner while still younger (31), as her preference. She boldly asserts that one parent can be better than two, the theory being that the parents’ relationship doesn’t interfere with the parent/child relationship. I get where she’s coming from (especially in the case of unhealthy relationships), although I wouldn’t go as far as to say this way is better–just different. Not necessarily worse. I remain open-minded about my little family evolves.

As for dating again, I felt this Onion article nailed it: Single Mom Ready to Get Back Out There During 30 Minutes Per Week She’s Not Working or Watching Her Daughter. I’m miles from getting back out there. I’m enjoying just staying in here with this guy.

Who is almost 1! I made the mistake of googling first birthday party ideas! I am not gifted with crafty stuff! Please advise.

xo