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living here

I decided not to play the next concert due to a conflict with a work trip, and then I decided to have the babysitter come anyway, and then I realized that I could go to a CAFE and WRITE. It’s revolutionary. I’m sitting here with a cup of tea and pumpkin pie. I sort of can’t believe it.

Even better, this outing happened to correspond with the final presidential debate and after skipping the first one out of nervousness and then slogging through the second one while bawling and yelling, I’m ready to to sit out again. More than ready. Thrilled.

Back when I was five months’ pregnant and visiting over the holidays, I met my dear friend K at this café and I believe we sat at this very table, in fact. As we crunched through snow walking back to the car, I had no clue that I’d be living here in less than two years.

People keep asking if it’s “hit me” yet, that we moved across the country, that we live here now, and that we no longer live in California. So far, not really. I’m sure it helps that this place, or at least this region, is my original home. The rhythm of life, the way the air is extra crisp in the mornings now, the changing leaves, even cruising slowly around town as if I’m a teenager again in my family’s old stationwagon with the wood siding… it all feels familiar. So instead of leaving home, it feels like we went back to an earlier home.

If anything has hit me, it’s how much my life feels the same, but easier. Fewer friends close by, and I do miss them and am starting to feel out of touch already. But it’s also nice to have fewer obligations. More mental space too. I’m working with a life coach now, refining my daily routine, digging into the enneagram and The Desire Map and contemplating bigger dreams. I have some old friends here and family cruises through often. J arrives Friday from New Orleans!

E is growing and learning. What a delightful human he is. This week, he stopped crying on drop off. He asks me to walk him into his classroom and then he keeps walking to the teacher and doesn’t look back. He comes home bursting with stories: “So, Mom!” (in the past two days, he’s been working on mastering “so.”) A friend sent me a Golden Gate Bridge key chain, and he identified it- not as San Asisco as in the past- now it’s the Golden Gate Bridge. But- he still calls an an excavator an escalator and an escalator an alligator.

Sometimes he remembers something I said once, a month ago. Like- I mentioned to someone that maybe when J comes to visit, he’ll polish my crystal chandelier as he did with the ones at his house. And now every time E points at the chandelier, he says “J is going to work on it.”

I’m going to do a DIY Halloween costume, God help me. This is not my forte!!! I better not tell you what it is in case it’s a failure and we do something else 🙂

Very excited for pumpkins and pies and Christmas lights and slippers.

I’ll be on alert for what’s hitting me when, and will let you know.

For now, I’m grateful for all the long-distance check-ins and I just love you guys.

xo

school-photo

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2 thoughts on “living here”

  1. Escalator and alligator! I love that kid!! And this is pure gold: “If anything has hit me, it’s how much my life feels the same, but easier.” I’m so glad to hear it!

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