two words

“Not pregnant”…is what the stick says. It’s really early in the morning and I am exhausted but I don’t feel anything really, just feel stunned. I always try to prepare for the negative (and the positive) but sometimes you just think you know. And I’ve never gotten to the point of testing (14dpo) w/o getting a positive test.

A is also up this early, so I walked down the hallway to whisper, “I’m not pregnant.” Without missing a beat, she said “yet.” (She tested negative at 14dpo when she was pregnant with her daughter–positive 3 days later.)

Man. I’m running on little sleep and have more presentations today. Back to coffee. But I’ll hold out a sliver of hope until AF arrives.

Since I wrote that, I sat here for a minute and the sliver of hope melted a little.This happens, and then I feel like I need to change something major. Cutting bangs didn’t really do the trick. I feel like I keep doing the same thing, expecting a different outcome–the definition of insanity AND ttc.

I bought up the rest of McPiercy’s inventory last week, so I do have a faint memory of being committed to this for the long haul.

Until AF arrives (or a miracle late positive test), I can’t really get on with it. Meanwhile, I have business trip just about 16 days from now that has to be at least 36 hrs. So there are some uncertainties about #9.

Wishing I could just go back to bed but here I go: must keep moving forward. More when I am not so out of it.

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