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Day 2

This update is overdue but I truly didn’t have a free moment until now. AF arrived within less than an hour after the negative test, so it was pretty rapid fire for me. Thanks for milking that sliver of hope, and for all the good wishes, which I really needed. I got an email today from a stranger who’s been reading the blog, and she told me exactly what I needed to hear. What a blessing this blog is, and this community, and this journey.

I’ve been unresponsive to your sweet comments/texts/emails and will catch up when I get home this weekend. Meanwhile, thank you.

I’m not giving up, but I am letting go. My sister reminds me that I am living fully, I am walking in the fire. I feel my resistance of what is, my rejecting of reality, and I try to let it be. My journey is my own, and this is exactly where I am.

It hurts, but I do bounce back. On one hand, I am stronger. On the other hand, the disappointments are cumulative.

These occurrences tend to fall on intense work weeks, so I just launch into that and pretty much ride it out. And it’s true that I was clutching a bottle of Maker’s Mark last night on the couch until quite late.

Today I put all the logistics together for cycle #9, including starting on the Clomid tonight. Olga said, “I’m so sorry you’re not pregnant.”

As J would say, “What else we can do?”

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