Category: anxiety

anxiety, fertility, IVF, running, single mom by choice, SMC, trying to conceive, ttc

consultation

thesolomamaproject

Good news: Tara Brach’s talk on hope is posted to her website as a video! I hope you watch her beautiful self and appreciate her guidance on how to live in possibility:

I’m at home on the 4th of July feeling very sleepy after taking a long run earlier today–I’ll be in bed soon. Meanwhile, my neighborhood sounds like a war zone with all the fireworks going off nearby and all over the city. Hope you had a nice 4th.

I met with Dr. T. yesterday. I pulled up and parked, having just wrapped up my work day before the long weekend. As I walked into the building for the first time since the transfer, my muscle memory took over and I felt heavy. I sat in the waiting room just intensely waiting, not reading or looking at my phone. I was looking forward to the discussion and looking ahead to FET#2, mixed with some amount of dread about rehashing what may or may not have gone wrong with #1.

He called me in to a tiny conference room. He first acknowledged that he was sorry this time didn’t work out despite everything looking promising at the beginning. He said he got the news while on vacation in Vietnam and felt really disappointed, took it personally (which made me want to launch into his arms and cry but I held it together). Then he asked me how I was feeling. I opened my mouth and nothing came out. He took this to be a hesitation but it was really me trying to articulate a rush of complicated feelings. I told him I was devastated, that the cumulative weight of all the tries was making this one the hardest.

What he said next is the best thing anyone can say to me right now: that it’s understandable that I would be so upset about it. That it is truly disappointing and an extremely difficult thing to go through. I am reminded that this is probably almost always true when someone is in crisis or having a rough time–they don’t necessarily need someone to problem-solve or find a positive spin. They need to feel validated and heard and understood.

He also said that while it is understandable and appropriate and reasonable for me to be struggling with the outcome, he remains optimistic about my case from an objective medical vantage point. Everything is still fine, I have four normal embryos remaining, and there’s no evidence that anything caused embie #1 not to implant. Sometimes they just don’t. Age can be a factor here although sometimes it’s nearly impossible to pinpoint an actual reason.

As with other cycles, Dr. T. discouraged me from going down the road of hunting for one anyway. In the absence of actual evidence, some people go into “hand-waving” mode (his term)–doing any and all tests trying to find something/anything that can be fixed. For example, I have a large fibroid. It’s on the outside of my uterus and I had a test done to confirm it’s not inside the uterine cavity. However, there’s a small chance that it is impeding blood flow to the very spot where the embryos are implanting. Super unlikely, but there’s a chance. What would it take to get it out? Surgery, followed by 6 months of bench time waiting to try again, and a very real chance that vaginal delivery would be impossible. And, in the end, the fibroid may have had nothing to do with anything. So I’m fine with skipping all that and having some faith in Dr. T’s opinion and the battery of tests I did at the outset.

He asked me what I was thinking about next steps. I told him that I am ready to try again (or I will be by the time I get there), and this time I want to put two. He readily agreed. I was prepared to argue with him on this, but he respects my decision–he says that, given everything I’ve been through, it’s “not unreasonable.” As long as I understand that if I get pregnant, there is a 20-30% chance it will be twins. He said that if insurance paid everything and there was no emotional cost, he would have me keep doing one at a time. But the reality is that time, money, and emotional stamina are running out. I’m ready to double my chances and pray for one. And if it’s two, it will be a blessing and we’ll figure it out (and by we I mean me and all of you).

The only change to my protocol is to add a endometrial biopsy (or “womb scratch”)–Dr. T. was surprised I hadn’t heard of it. It involves taking a biopsy of the uterine lining, thereby causing an injury that needs to be healed. The healing process releases chemicals that are thought to help promote implantation and the research is mixed but there’s some evidence that it works. I’ll go with my doc on this one.

Our plan is to put embies #2 and #3–my two best. Waiting on my calendar from Olga.

It’s both a relief and a terror to look ahead at trying again. Meanwhile, I take my bc pills, take good care of myself, and put my hand on my heart and say, “It’s going to be OK, sweetheart.”

anxiety, fertility, IVF, single mom by choice, SMC, trying to conceive, ttc, two week wait

surrender

thesolomamaproject

The sky looks a shade darker than in the banner of my website and there’s a 3/4 moon out the window above my dining room table. It’s already 9–I was so excited for a luxurious evening at home and the time flew by. I’m making pasta and whipping off a blog post because I don’t mean to leave my dear readers hanging.

And yet, we all know there is nothing concrete to report until the blood test. I could list you all the symptoms–but couldn’t it be the hormones? stress? the inevitable result of intense scrutiny of every bodily sensation?

Pasta w/ pesto is now steaming to my right. I’ve decided not to POAS (pee on a stick) this time. I know, it’s radical. It’s even a little ludicrous when Tuesday is essentially 19dpo and 13dp5dt. Anyway, however you do the math, I am going fully conservative on this one, and it still won’t change the outcome. I will not add to the roller coaster by creating a gap between POAS and beta. I will be as kind to myself as possible  by waiting and following the UCSF rules, which include an admonishment not to do a home test due to false negatives.

On Sunday, I went to the hypno-restorative yoga class and while we were in one of the poses, we went down an internal staircase and took a short path to a place in our minds that we associate with joy. And there were our spirit animals, and what was mine? A unicorn. I questioned it–really, a unicorn? Not a white horse or a zebra? Nope, it was definitely a unicorn. It had big soulful brown eyes through which it communicated with me. It asked me to stop comparing myself to others and reassured me that I have done every single thing I could do and now it’s time to let go.

Nevertheless, on Monday, I went a little crazy googling “6dp5dt” and reading other women’s fertility blogs. I also learned of two women who transferred the same day I did and had already POAS and are pregnant. And I was obsessively reading the SMC national board. I found that, while it can be so reassuring to see that someone who felt exactly the same as you on the same day of the process ended up with a perfect baby, it can be equally troubling to read of other people’s heartbreak. So I finally listened to the unicorn and swore off anything related to fertility on the internet.

Since Tuesday, I have felt calm. I think my busy mind ran through all the mathematical possibilities and exhausted itself. I have finally thrown the reigns over to the universe. I’m enjoying this part, this blissful ignorance where I can choose my reality. Soon enough, my path will emerge again from obscurity in the brightening moonlight.

anxiety, IVF, meditation, outdoors, running, single mom by choice, SMC, trying to conceive, ttc, two week wait

PUPO

thesolomamaproject

Yo! We are 4dp5dt to those in the know. Aka 4 days past 5-day transfer. 10 days till beta.

It was a good few days back at work–focused, productive, forgetting at times, remembering with a smile. I’ve felt every symptom on the list already, so that was predictable. Thrilled to have embie #1 with me. My little, huge secret. (PS 75 microns is the width of a human hair.)

Last night, with the distraction of work lifted away, I found myself sinking into worry over the not-knowing. Then I was instinctively scolding myself for not thinking uniquely positive thoughts during this critical time. I have this image of the perfect two-week-waiter: serene, neutral, intuitive, self-assured, full of faith (does this person even exist?).  Once I became aware of this layered internal dialogue, I did what I have learned to do: I turned to Buddhism.

I put on a Tara podcast. Her soothing and wise voice calmed me and encouraged me not to resist the thoughts–invite them to tea. On the night that the Buddha achieved enlightenment, Mara showed up, a demon who tried to tempt the Buddha away from his spiritual practice. He fired arrows at him all night, but because the Buddha didn’t react, the arrows turned to flower petals and eventually Mara disappeared. There were mountains of flower petals in the morning. Rather than resisting or reacting, we can invite our fears to sit with us, to  have tea with us. So I did. I remembered that I’m on a bunch of hormones. I cried and fell asleep. I moved through.

Tara quoted Annie Lamott, which kind of blew my mind, given their recently prominent roles as my spiritual leaders. The Annie quote was, “My mind is like a bad neighborhood. I try not to go there alone.”

Today, I met up with two SMC friends and was reminded in a big way that I am not alone. I met C, 38 weeks pregnant, for a muffin and tea, then J, 18 weeks pregnant, for brunch. I came away remembering that motherhood at every stage of pregnancy and beyond is about living with uncertainty–heck, LIFE is about living with uncertainty–and I am getting a lot of relevant practice. My SMC friends are inspiring examples–even if there are days when they feel disorganized, they have their shit together in such a fundamental way. And they reflect this back to me. Which makes me feel like I don’t have to solve everything today, since I can’t anyway and neither can anyone.

I swam this morning, exercise being a critical part of the program of keeping me afloat. Swimming will be my new substitute for running, and although I don’t love swimming in the same way, it did feel good. Although wow is it really hard when you’re not in the habit. And kind of annoying with the sharing a lane, and boring with the repetition, etc. But a great low-impact, muscle-toning, cardio workout, and hopefully I’ll get stronger. Swimming and yoga. I signed up for a 3-hour hypno-restorative yoga class tomorrow afternoon with C. Also hoping to get outside into our deliciously cold weekend fog in the morning.

I’m back to being happily-maybe, and sometimes probably. Grateful to be PUPO = Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise. Rolling with it. Making friends with the present moment and all it has to teach me.

night night

 

acupuncture, anxiety, fertility, IVF, meditation, outdoors, ovulation, parenthood, pregnancy, running, single mom by choice, SMC, trying to conceive, ttc, two week wait

tomorrow

thesolomamaproject

Tomorrow is my transfer day, at 12:15pm! Good vibes, prayers, and love sent in the direction of Sutter and Divisadero, SF, CA, USA are  welcomed and appreciated! Thanks so much for the love, hugs, texts, emails, and calls already flowing in.

The weekend was a slow and steady build toward the big day. On Friday night, I had my two-hour clairvoyant reading. The five readers sat across from me with their eyes closed as they took turns reading my energy. They checked all my chakras, cleaned out the old pictures, told me about some of my past lives (I was a contented Eskimo mom as well as a famous actress in the 1910’s), and generally validated my commitment to having a child. No major blockage toward reaching my goal. After the intensity of the reading, I felt emotionally delicate. I walked to Dolores Park and sat on a bench overlooking the twinkling city, and cried. It was cleansing. If that’s what it means to get your chakras cleaned out, I’m for it.

On Saturday morning, I ran to the top of Twin Peaks, remembering with every uphill that it would be my last challenging run for a while–I savored it. I don’t normally go to the tippy-top, but this time I did.

In the afternoon, I went for Maya abdominal massage. At first, we talked about diet. She gave me some foods to target: avocado (superfood), cilantro (cooling), cinnamon (anti-inflammatory), chia seeds (another superfood w/ omega 3s, she wants me to eat them throughout the day), have a smoothie soon after waking up (to maintain blood sugar), avoid grains in the evening (to not spike blood sugar then crash overnight), drink cranberry leaf tea (to support healthy lining), etc. She has a really soothing manner. We both spoke softly.

Then, we prepared for the vagina steaming, which was very simple: she had been simmering some herbs in a regular pot which she put under what I think was a birthing stool, with the lid at an angle to let the steam rise up. she had me sit on the stool and then she wrapped me in a thick red blanket, leaving me to meditate for ten minutes. It felt odd but nice, not too hot. Every herb in there had a specific purpose, the end result ostensibly being an irresistibly sticky womb.

Afterward, I got on the massage table and she said she was going to feel around for my uterus. Did you know this was possible? I did not. I would have thought it was too far in the middle of the body. The uterus is, in fact, impossible for me to visualize, unless it’s a Georgia O’Keeffe painting, or a pancake. In the 3D environment of my body, I am clueless.

She found it with her fingers, pressing gently. She exclaimed, “She’s pretty anterior!” and then gradually guided “her” back to center. It felt a little strange to have someone pawing at my belly, but not as uncomfortable as I imagined it could be.

She finished with a full body massage, my first in years–so amazing. I was jello after that. I had no choice but to go home and take a nap. The rest of the weekend I spent holding babies at parties and celebrating my sister’s graduation.

Today, I went around feeling like I swallowed a canary. At the end of the day, I stopped to pick up groceries for an uber-healthy, delicious dinner, and ended up spending $15 on a wild salmon filet that turned out to be maybe the best salmon I’ve ever had, simply prepared with lemon and garlic in foil. Also, broccoli. And chips with homemade guacamole w/ cilantro. Now I’ll drink some cranberry leaf tea and take a bath before bed.

My evening protocol right now has me decreasing the estrogen patches on my belly while I increase the dosage of intramuscular progesterone injections. This is mimicking what happens after ovulation, but without the ovulation, getting my uterus right where a Day 6 blast would want and expect it to be. The progesterone shots are gnarly–1.5″ needle and a funky angle to do on yourself. They’re not so painful at the time, but I have a little painful knot developing behind each hip. I massage them a lot. I’ll continue these for several if not many weeks–and it should be noted that the side effects are identical to those of pregnancy (including delaying AF!).

Tomorrow is a dream day: therapy at 7:30, personal trainer at 9:30, go home and take a Valium, my sister picks me up at 11:30, meet embie #1 soon after 12:15, then acupuncture at 3pm.

How do I feel? I feel like I’ve done a really good job. I have done everything in the world I could reasonably do. I feel really hopeful and a little anxious, also grounded, centered, uterus-centered, nourished, peaceful. I feel like all that I’ve learned and practiced around self-care these past weeks are gifts already received from the baby to be.

What a process. Grateful for you and all of the above and the chance to get pregnant tomorrow.

xo

acupuncture, anxiety, fertility, IVF, meditation, single mom by choice, SMC, trying to conceive, ttc, two week wait

transfer date

thesolomamaproject

You guys! At long last, we are almost to transfer.

I drove over to my lining check feeling happy to be going back to UCSF after weeks and weeks of no appointments. The woman at the front desk told me I owed “$27.99.” I looked at her in confusion and told her my co-pays are usually $40. She said, “No, sorry, I meant [whispered] $2,799.” OOHHH. Right. This is the cost of one Frozen Embryo Transfer, up front. This time, I had an amazon Rewards Card–see, I’m getting better at this all the time.

When Dr. Zamah walked into the exam room, I was reading through my lengthy FET consent form, getting my head back in the game. He said he’d be looking for a good lining and no cysts. I wasn’t anxious until that moment–who’s to say what’s going on in there??

Going in, though, I knew that throughout this entire process, I have not missed a single pill, injection, or patch. Amazing. That’s how #1 this is in my own mind.

Awesome results–lining is great, left ovary quiet, right ovary quiet; he said, “I approve! Green light!” He’s a nice, light-hearted guy. And, just like that, I was over the last hurdle.

Almost. I met with Nurse Claire, who said they’re having great results with FETs recently. We went over my new protocol. (I now have four calendars taped to my kitchen wall from this whole process.) Tonight, I’ll peel off one of the four estrogen patches on my belly and give myself a progesterone shot. Start Medrol tomorrow. Valium on my transfer date, which is:

—>Tuesday, June 11<—

My sister will drive me there and back. We are transferring one embryo, my Day 6 5BB, my frontrunner.

Between now and then, I’ll do acupuncture, a clairvoyant reading/healing, and Maya abdominal massage (including vagina steaming–you know I will report back). I’ll sit outside with friends, and otherwise relax and meditate and rest and drink smoothies. (I just had one with banana, avocado, frozen blueberries and strawberries, spinach, honey, almond butter, chia seeds, coconut milk, and ice. Delish.) I’ve got this covered.

Pregnancy test 2 weeks later on 6/25 (yep, it’s still a two week wait…if I don’t pee on a stick first).

On the way out, I saw Maria from the front desk and Lili the genetic counselor and gave them hugs. When I told them my transfer was Tuesday, Lili said, “O….M….G!!”

Exactly.

anxiety, dating, fertility, IVF, pregnancy, running, single mom by choice, SMC, trying to conceive, ttc

runway

thesolomamaproject

Over this weekend, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to how I want to spend the next five weeks before my transfer. I’ve been kind of back and forth on this. At first, as I wrote in my last post, I thought–wow, this is a long period of being “off the clock,” an opportunity to run, travel, date, drink, all the things I’ve been more or less avoiding to focus my energy on being healthy, rested, and positive.

After that post, new mom A recommended starting to live as though I’m pregnant now (which frankly sounded boring although I heard an echo of wisdom in it). Then my dad suggested that maybe running a race could leave my body depleted of energy just when I need it to be ready to perform a major feat. Uh, good point. Another friend C raised a virtual eyebrow today when I mentioned maybe putting my online dating profile back up, you know, as a fun distraction.

There were two baby showers this weekend, so I spent both afternoons with my SMC friends. After knowing them for over a year, I love each of them individually and would be friends with all of them outside of having this big thing in common. And having this big thing in common is so powerful and bonding. As I talked through the above considerations, more eyebrows raised, including eventually my own, and I started really thinking about what my goals are for this window of time.

It turns out that giving myself a holiday, easing the reigns and letting go of limits, is really not aligned with my bigger goal here. The few drinks I’ve had in the past week have made me feel foggy and exacerbated my allergies. None of the races I looked at are lined up on weekends that work and the distances made me anxious given how little time I’d have to train. I’ve stayed up past midnight the past two nights and still woke up early. And Dr. Hawaii threw me for a loop this weekend.

It should have been no big deal, let’s meet up for a drink. Still, a pleasant prospect of seeing him again, maybe despite all the poor communication he’d turn out to be great in person again, right? Well, after not hearing from him all weekend he texted me tonight, already back in Hawaii after “a whirlwind trip,” with no acknowledgement that he’d left me hanging on tentative plans (which, of course, were his idea). He concluded by asking whether I have any plans to come to Hawaii. Wow.

We are obviously from different planets. I didn’t expect much from him, and he delivered even less. He doesn’t matter–truly–and I am not heartbroken. I just feel the reminder that opening up means you can get slammed back down, and does it really make sense to take the risk at this critical time? Not that lovely moments can’t pop up at the most random times, and not that I don’t crave companionship, but am I really in a position to go seeking it? Shouldn’t my precious positive energy be directed at the basics that keep me afloat: physical, mental, and spiritual health?

I sense now that there is no spring break from this process and embryo #1 is counting on me to enter into my transfer as ready as I can be, with reduced clutter, minimal interference, a fine-tuned landing pad. Sound body and mind. Inner calm. Focus. Now I’ll develop my five-week curriculum around that.

I suppose it makes sense that when I realized that what looked like a longer-than-usual ‘hiatus,’ I would try to get ‘back to ‘normal.’ I think what I’m realizing now is that it’s not a hiatus, it’s actually a runway.

And this is the new normal.

anxiety, donor sperm, fertility, IVF, single mom by choice, SMC, trying to conceive, ttc

Day 5/6

thesolomamaproject

Just got the call after a loooong day of waiting!!!!!

  • 7 embryos biopsied and frozen on Day 5
  • 2 embryos biopsied and frozen on Day 6

NINE embryos  made it to the day 5/6 finish line as blastocysts and all are tucked safe and sound in their freezer! I have the grading worksheet and Lili says 6 are “amazing” and 3 are “good.” As mentioned before, the grading doesn’t reflect normal vs. abnormal, so we take it with a grain of salt anyway. But it can’t hurt that they’re good looking. 🙂

Biopsies go out for genetic testing tomorrow, and Lili will call me with those results by the end of next week.

Now I get a break–no news, no injections, no decisions, no stress, no phone calls, no appointments. Still recovering and tired from the retrieval (and the stress) but once I’m 100% things are going to get back to normal around here!

So happy and grateful and excited for all of this and feeling like those 9 embies are the beautiful fruits of our labor: me, McPiercy, UCSF, and my wonderful support team: you.

Hopeful that one of those  is my little person-to-be.

anxiety, fertility, IVF, outdoors, single mom by choice, SMC, trying to conceive, ttc

Day 3

thesolomamaproject

Yesterday, I was on pins and needles all day, fretting about the phone call and possibility of transfer on a dime. I stayed out of the house, keeping myself occupied from morning till night: I went to PA for coffee with A and her sweet 3-week-old baby L, then to SJ to visit L and her 3 kids plus 2 visiting to chat on the sidelines of her 6yo’s soccer game, then a walk and Salvadoran dinner with B–much processing and discussion and if-then scenarios. I’m lucky to have such great friends who are willing to hear me out when I am in that talk-it-out mode: thank you.

After several early-morning hours of online research to try to prepare to make an on-the-spot decision, the phone rang at 9:05am.

The nurse said she had really good news: you meet criteria to push to Day 5! (turns out the doc’s criteria was 8 embies of good quality).

Upon looking up the details, she clarified that in fact I still have 16 embies growing and thriving! No transfer today!

Dr. Tran called an hour later, also “very pleased,” and with a more qualified report: 13 look really good, 2 are average, and 1 is lagging. He also reminded me that grading is like judging a book by its cover: it doesn’t tell you the substance. Which is why I am so happy to be able to do PGS (Pre-implantation Genetic Screening) to tell us which ones have a normal chromosome count. We’re still taking it step by step. Which is why we’re not really celebrating yet; he said, “Congratulations, so far!”

I’ll get a call on Wed to say how many were biopsied and frozen. Genetic screening results about 7-10 days later. Frozen embryo transfer in about a month.

There’s still a long road ahead but the news couldn’t be better today, and for that I’m grateful. And I have my body back: no more injections or appointments for a while. Somebody get me a cocktail 🙂

 

anxiety, family, IVF, meditation, single mom by choice, SMC, trying to conceive, ttc

retrieval

thesolomamaproject

Thanks, B, for your beautiful guest post. Thanks for keeping my grounding cord plugged into the center of the earth while the nurse was digging around for a vein on my hand to start the IV. And for reminding me to meditate when I had the chance. And for taking me to Whole Foods afterward. And for still being here in my apartment on work calls while I’m on the couch. So glad you could be there today and I love you, too!

This morning went very smoothly. I felt anxious–not about the procedure but about the numbers. I had slept fitfully, dreaming of accidentally eating and having the hospital tell me I’d have to come back the next day. I was sleepy, dehydrated, hungry. But it was a gorgeous morning, and my sister texted me, “Ready to rock.” She walked out of her house with both arms in the air in a victory pose. She seriously brings the positive!

We checked in, gown, hairnet, IV. The anesthesiologist was very enthusiastic and acted like I was an overachiever for having a good heartbeat and no obstructions in my airways. She said I’d go into deep sedation and if I was too conscious I could ask to go deeper.

They led me into the room, kept dim for the eggs and embryos which do not like the light. I laid down with my legs up on knee stirrups and the nurses said they liked my striped knee socks. I told them that they were from my other sister, the one not waiting outside but on the other side of the country, so I had my sisters represented. They thought that made sense on such a “good luck-y” kind of day.

The anesthesiologist had me confirm my name, birthday, why I was there, and any allergies to meds, and then I felt a warmth start in the center of my body and spread outward. She said the next one would be spicy going into the vein, which it was, but the next thing that happened was total sleep.

I woke up maybe 45 mins later feeling velvety. I asked the nurse how many they got and she said 18. I didn’t really process or believe it, given my hazy state of mind. I asked maybe one, maybe two more times. 18. Eventually, after some apple juice and crackers, I got up and went to the bathroom and had a big 18 written on my palm. So, 18! A big upgrade from the 12-13 forecast on the phone by Dr. Tran yesterday.

Tomorrow, I’ll get the fertilization report and will talk to Dr. T. about our next steps–all my options are open.

The eggs are being fertilized RIGHT NOW. Please send love over at Sutter and Divisadero!

I came home and the tulips had bloomed. xo

tulips

anxiety, family, fertility, IVF, running, single mom by choice, SMC, trying to conceive, ttc

trigger!

thesolomamaproject

At this morning’s appointment, I learned that my biggest follies had jumped from 15-16mm to 20-22mm and my estrogen jumped from 2900 to 3500. Which is a lot. The docs say that’s why they check every day at this point, and I’m “ready to go.” I watched my giant follies on the screen, exponentially bigger than when we started, and all snuggled up together. Hi, girls!

Of course, I can’t tell you how many, because I was pointedly not counting. I’d say there are “plenty.” I told my mom today that I think my total letting go of obsessively tracking data was purely a survival strategy for staying sane. It’s working.

I told Dr. Fujimoto, “Long time, no see!” and he said, “We’ve got to stop meeting like this!” I’ve seen him the last 4 days. He will do my retrieval, because Dr. Tran has a conflicting appointment. I requested Dr. T. just because he said he would try to be there if he could, but I feel fine about Dr. F. Everyone says I’m in good hands, and I believe it.

Afterward, I drank some ginger tea with two nurses in the hallway, Nurse Stephanie came in and said hi as she walked by, and Maria gave me two hugs and wished me luck because she’s taking Thursday off. I seriously feel like I work there.

Next, I went through all the trigger and surgery paperwork with another nurse, Jackie. Different protocol for tonight: Lupron between 6-7pm (check) and at 10:15pm, exactly 36 hours before my retrieval, I’ll do my HCG shot with Follistim co-trigger.

Hard to believe that tomorrow I have neither a morning appointment nor any injections. And I get to see Annie and Sam Lamott on retrieval eve with my friend C! So perfect! (PS no one took me up on the free ticket giveaway, so I invited C who secretly wanted to go!)

Thursday, my sister will come with me for my 10:15am appointment. After that, rest. And really no running for a little while. My ovaries will take a while to go back down to normal size. Fert report: Friday.

I bought some bright pink tulips that were all closed up the other day, a visual reminder of my blooming ovaries. They are also looking just about “ready to go.”

I feel proud to have made it to this point. “Homestretch,” says B.